so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
