I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
