his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
