I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
