There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
