you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
