This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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