dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
