I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
