he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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