Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
