Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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