I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
