how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
50% drunk capacity currently
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
