Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
