Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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