i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
