Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sext me about skeletons
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
