I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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