wakey wakey hands off snakey
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
