And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
