I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
