i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
