I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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