I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
