When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
