Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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