Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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