wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
