I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
