I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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