My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
