Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
