Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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