Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
