i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
