You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
