if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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