6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
