No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
