quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
