I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
