so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
