Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
