Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
