This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
