so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
