Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
