Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
