At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
