And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
