Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
