I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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