I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
